You CAN Learn to Love Yourself
by Anne S. Kaplan

How do I go about loving myself?

Ahh....quite the question! Here are some thoughts in no particular order. Most of them are personal integration of things I've learned from friends and teachers over the years.

• Try anything and everything: journaling, meditation, affirmations, therapy, antidepressants, B vitamins, exercise, etc. What works for you will be different than what works for me. Trust your instincts.
• Be around people who love and support you, including perhaps those you pay to do so - a therapist, a counselor, a coach; eliminate destructive/toxic relationships, including those you pay, e.g., doctors.
• One way to virtually "be around" supportive people is to join one or several size-positive email groups, either general purpose such as AmpleSpirit or SizeWise, or around specific issues, such as Diabetic Friends or SA-sleepapnea.
• Learning self-love takes time and practice -- do not expect any one approach to be an instant answer to a lifelong problem.
• Being and doing feed each other. To be one who loves yourself, do loving things for yourself; to make loving choices for yourself, base your choices on "what would love do?"
• Recognize that we all have multiple parts to ourselves, parts that often conflict. While your core Self may want to do the loving thing for yourself, other parts of you may speak -- often loudly -- toward other choices. That core Self voice needs to be recognized and strengthened over time.
• Know that in your journey on the path to being self-loving, there will be missteps and falls. This is OK, it is part of the journey. Do not berate or punish yourself. Smile, get up, brush yourself off, take the next step.
• Build your "loving" muscle by being a loving person to the world -- but not at the expense of taking care of yourself. Learn constructive selfishness -- it is a good, even essential skill.
• Connect to your body. Many of us who have long been large live mostly or completely in our heads. Connecting to body, living in our bodies, integrating body and mind are essential to being self-loving (how can you love your Self but hate the "shell" that is home to that self?). How to connect to body, become aware of living in the body?
• Massage, yoga, mindfulness meditation, deep breathing, dialoguing with body parts (I had an incredible dialogue with my belly recently!), simple and gentle exercise such as a walk.
• Indulge in sensual experiences - bubblebath, aromatic candle, pleasing music, silky (under)clothing, mindful eating of delicious foods, good sex alone or with a partner - and really feel the experiences with your whole body.
• I do not recommend mirror-work -- the idea is to connect to your body from the inside, with your interior "eyes" and senses -- the physical eyes are hard-wired direct to brain, and encourage the mind/body separation so many of us suffer from. By connecting from the inside out, increasing comfort with what we see in the mirror will follow naturally.
• Separate your feelings about yourself from your feelings about your size. Catch yourself in "fat thoughts": if only I were thin, it'd be easy to love myself... when I get smaller, I'll take better care of myself...
• Know that your worthiness as a person has nothing to do with your size (no matter how much the world may try to tell you otherwise). As much as possible, be your "fantasy thin self" now! As the AmpleSpirit™ motto says: "Become all you are today; don't wait to be less."SM